Back from the Brink

De-escalating Disruptions

An article based on the Safety Member Certification training module "Deescalating Disruptive Persons."[1]

From the Bible

He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still (Psalm 107:29).

Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad (Proverbs 12:25)

Introduction

Someone in the church vestibule appears agitated and is talking loudly. How can you cool heated tempers? There is a proven skill called Verbal De-escalation. Some people seem to come by it naturally, and most of us can learn it.

In the News

Jackson County, Missouri, October 2016 - A schizophrenic inmate at the Jackson County Detention Center started having hallucinations. Following the voices in his head, he began trying to hurt himself. The jail has a Behavioral Health Team, and a therapist hurried to the inmate's cell. A guard went with the therapist for security.

Outside the cell, the guard interacted with the inmate, first with talking. Then he began getting the inmate to sing both pop songs and hymns. The inmate calmed down and regained mental balance.

This is what the guard was trained to do. All new hires at the detention center are trained in verbal de-escalation. The county's director of corrections said he wanted to have all new officers trained in Behavioral Health.[2]

South Daytona, Florida, February 8, 2017 - In the office of a South Daytona apartment complex, a resident walked in and expressed a desire to kill someone. An employee called 911 and described the situation to the dispatcher.

The resident became irritated and agitated. He grabbed another employee by her hair and began jerking her around in an attempt to break her neck. He also attempted to stab her with his apartment key. The other employee tried to break this up - with 911 listening - by getting on his back and pounding him with her fists. The assailant let his victim go and took out his anger on objects, such as flower pots and tables.

When two SDPD officers arrived, the assailant was in the parking lot. The suspect threatened one officer, then the other officer began to engage the suspect with small talk, such as college, etc. The officer was able to calm the suspect enough that he passively allowed himself to be handcuffed. The officer kept the conversation going, encouraging the suspect to keep talking.[3]

Baltimore, Maryland, September 9, 2017 - It was an intense situation in Baltimore. A man holding a knife was trying to provoke the police into shooting him. One officer approached the man and began talking with him. The man was still asking the officers to shoot him. The officer got the man to talk. He opened up about domestic troubles. Eventually the man calmed down and surrendered.

While people were praising the officer for saving a life, he credited his training and experience in verbal de-escalation.[4]

style="text-decoration: underline;"Indianapolis, Indiana, May 2024 - A TSA officer at Indianapolis International Airport successfully dealt with two back-to-back behavioral situations. On the secure side of the checkpoint he handled a passenger who was intoxicated. After rotating to the X-Ray post, a mentally-ill passenger went into a crisis fit, rolling on the floor, kicking, screaming. She couldn't handle stress. The officer was able to calm the passenger by talking to her and restored her to normal order. Both incidents were captured by surveillance cameras and were reported in an agency news bulletin.[5]

The Power of Speech

Humans are unique among Earth's creatures. They have speech (language), the ability to express thoughts and emotions through symbols, such as vocal sounds, images (writing), and hand signs. To this add body language, which we can consciously or unconsciously use to non-verbally convey our message.

This gift of speech can be and has been used to influence individuals, groups, and even entire nations. It has been used to hurt people, directly or indirectly, but also to help and heal.

Consider what the Bible says about the use of speech (I've updates some of the verb inflections):

• In Proverbs 12:25, Solomon says, "Heaviness in the heart of man makes it stoop: but a good word makes it glad."
• Earlier, in verses 17 and 18, Solomon compares the words of a false witness with those of a wise person: "There is (a false witness) that speaks like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health."
• Some people use their words to harm others. In Psalm 54:2-3, David pleads with God, "Hide me from the secret counsel of the wicked; from the insurrection of the workers of iniquity: who whet their tongues like a sword, and bend their bows to shoot their arrows, even bitter words."
• There's the relationship of speech to emotions in the well-known verse, Proverbs 15:1: "A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." This is a key principle for verbal de-escalation.
• Going on to Proverbs 25:11, we see the value of well-chosen words: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures [settings or bowls] of silver." What a beautiful illustration!

The art of verbal de-escalation is the art of using speech to bring someone back from the brink of disaster. It has literally been a life-saver, not only for distraught persons, but also for others.

Timely Intervention

Verbal de-escalation is an intervention into a personal crisis. Timeliness is the key to success. It must begin before too long, or it will be too late.

Let's take the incident in White Settlement, Texas, at the end of 2019. When the suspect pulled out a shotgun it was too late. Looking back, as has been noted by several persons, someone should have responded to the assailant's suspicious appearance and behavior and intervened. This may have been an opportunity for verbal de-escalation, especially since mental illness was at the core of his crisis.[6]

Causes of Disruptive Behavior

Before we can intervene, we need to recognize the need. If someone does not look normal, there may be a reason. Whether a person is a member of the church, a regular attendee, or a visitor, there are reasons why he or she has a personal crisis. There are six categories of stressors which may lead to disruptive behavior. They are:[7]

• Family problems:
• Marriage falling apart,
• Teenagers acting out,
• Arguments with in-laws,
• Countless other scenarios
• Financial problems:
• Their home may be in foreclosure,
• Their job may be in jeopardy (such as an impending layoff),
• They may have lost a job,
• They may not be able to feed their families or pay their bills
• Substance abuse can put a great deal of strain on people:
• Alcoholism
• Drugs
• Illegal drugs
• Excessive or unwarranted prescriptions
• Side effects of needed medications
• Medical conditions can change people's personalities and behavior:
• Chronic pain,
• A serious medical diagnosis,
• Terminal illness
• Dementia
• Mental illness can contribute to verbally and physically combative behaviors. Some mental illnesses are:
• Bi-polar disorder
• Schizophrenia: several types, a few (which may overlap) are -
• Delusional
• Obsessive
• Paranoid
• Any of several personality disorders
• Clinical depression
• Security worries
• Threat(s) received or perceived
• Neighborhood crime
• Dangerous working conditions
• Crime in work area or on the commuting route

Warning Signs of Disruptive Behavior

There are behavioral indications that a person may be at risk of becoming disruptive, maybe violent in some cases:[7]

• The person may be crying, sulking or having a temper tantrum.
• The person may push the limits of acceptable conduct.
• Disregarding the health and safety of others is automatically a red flag.
• Disrespect for authority is a very concerning indicator
• A person testing the limits to see what they can get away with undermines peace and order.
• Swearing or emotional language may be habitual, but could be a sign of stress.
• Persons of concern may have poor personal hygiene or ignore it altogether (this could be a sign of mental illness).

Physical Warning Signs

Persons under stress or overly angry can show any of several physical indicators [7]:

• Flushed or pale face.
• Sweating.
• Pacing, restless, or repetitive movements.
• Signs of extreme fatigue (e.g., dark circles under the eyes).
• Trembling or shaking.
• Clenched jaws or fists.
• Exaggerated or violent gestures.
• Loud talking or chanting.
• Shallow, rapid breathing.
• Scowling, sneering or use of abusive language.
• Glaring or avoiding eye contact.
• Violating people's personal space (getting too close).

The Art of Verbal De-Escalation

The method of verbal de-escalation laid out by Sheepdog Church Security in the training module and the Church Security Guide article "Mastering Verbal De-escalation for Peaceful Resolutions" is not unique, but is the standard used in law enforcement, security services, healthcare facilities, mental health institutions, etc. For example, on Google Search under the "People also ask" heading is the question, "What are the five verbal de-escalation steps?" The answer, taken from Vantage Point Consulting (VPC), is as follows:[8][9][10]

This 5 step de-escalation technique helps calm tense situations

*Speak calmly and with the right tone and use of words.

*Ensure your body language is relaxed and in control.

*Make a connection and be empathetic with people.

*Get the agitated person away from weapons, harm, and other people.

*Provide them with choices that empower them to comply

On the VPC site, is this note: "De-escalation tactics follow a path of reducing people's agitation slowly." In other words, it's not like waving a magic wand, but it requires patience.

Start on the Path

According to the Safety Member Certification training module "Deescalating Disruptive Persons"[1], some key areas of consideration in verbal de-escalation are

• The Approach
• Body Language
• Facial expressions
• Voice
• Emotions and Thoughts

The Approach

The approach of the de-escalator to the person in crisis is often a make-or-break moment. The goal here is to not alarm the subject, which would lead to escalation, but to be seen as non-threatening.

• Approach where you can be seen by the subject.
• Don't rush, but move at a steady, moderate pace.
• Stop outside the subject's personal space. This space is larger for a person in crisis than it is for a normally calm person.
• Assume the interview stance: feet at shoulder width, one foot forward, hands waist-high in front of you.

Body Language

Body language is always important. It is even more so when dealing with someone who is upset. In that circumstance, body language is just as important as words, if not more. Some things not to do are

• Never point your finger
• Never shrug shoulders
• Don't be rigid
• Don't cross your arms

Some things to do are

• Be aware of your posture
• Appear open, ready to listen
• Appear relaxed while alert

Facial Expression

Human faces are designed to show feelings, attitudes, and thoughts. Learn to control your facial expressions. Practice in front of a mirror:

• Relax your face without frowning, raising your eyebrows, squinting your eyes, etc.
• Have a relaxed, natural smile. Don't grimace.
• Maintain eye contact, but not as a stare-down. Move your head slightly while keeping your eyes on the other person's eyes. If you look away, that could communicate loss of interest. Since you want to keep the subject talking, then you must display interest in what he or she is saying.

Voice

Your tone of voice matters. For instance, you can listen to someone speaking in a language you don't know, yet discern their emotions. Controlling the way one speaks is a skill learned and used by actors. In verbal de-escalation, we're not putting on a show - we're just maintaining control over ourselves so we can help the subject regain control of him- or herself.

• Speak in an even but not monotonous tone.
• Don't speak fast. A person in crisis cannot process words as fast as they would when calm.
• Don't yell or speak too loudly.
• Speak as though having a private personal conversation.

Emotions and Thoughts

"But the fruit of the Spirit is ... self-control ..." (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV). A wise, prudent person exercises self-control, not only over his or her actions, but also over emotions and thoughts. Before attempting verbal de-escalation we need to have the right mindset:

• See verbal de-escalation as an act of ministry, helping even those who are disruptors.
• See the disruptor as a person in need.
• Recognize that you too face challenges in life, even crises.
• Determine that what you do and say will honor God as you help the disruptor.
• At the same time, keep in mind that you are protecting others in the area.

Keep your emotions under control, even when offended or provoked. Sometimes we have to keep repeating to ourselves, "He's not going to make me angry." In 1 Peter 2:23, the apostle presented Jesus as an example: "Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously."

In order to control our thoughts, we may have to correct ourselves when we recognize that our minds are heading in the wrong direction. This takes practice. It's easy to get into a pattern of allowing our thought processes to always continue the way they start. One reason chess players take time to consider the next move is they evaluate the outcomes of potential moves instead of following the first impulse. Before you speak, think, "Where will this statement, comment, or question take us?"

Keep It Going

Verbal de-escalation can be called "conversational calming." For example, in each of the news stories cited above, the officer got the disruptor to begin talking. As the disruptor talked about the reason for his or her crisis, some of the tension drained off. The conversation often took a different turn to other topics in the disruptor's life. This further relieved tension. For a de-escalator, the key is keeping the person in crisis engaged in conversation until calm is restored. This means that the de-escalator is listening. A few keys are:

• Active listening with responses such as "I see" or "You say …" Acknowledgement that someone says something is not agreement.
• Do not contradict or argue. Disturbed people have trouble reasoning.
• Don't criticize or condemn. Don't prejudge. They need to know you're hearing them out.
• Don't say, "Calm down." They'll probably see it as a challenge or a denial of what they feel.
• Do offer some practical help, even if just a place to sit down or a drink of water.

Training

Training for verbal de-escalation includes practice. Work with other team members, taking turns as the disruptor and the de-escalator. Have a third person play the part of someone in crisis in scenarios you don't expect. Discuss the results.

Conclusion

Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God" (Matthew 5:9). Verbal de-escalation is one way of being a peacemaker.

References

1. Kris Moloney, "Deescalating Disruptive Persons," Safety Member Certification, Sheepdog Church Security, © 2020 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/].
2. Ariel Rothfield, "Missouri guard sings with inmate, de-escalates situation," WPTV, November 10, 2016, last updated November 11, 2016 [https://www.wptv.com/news/national/jackson-county-detention-guard-sings-with-inmate-de-escalates-situation].
3. Lyda Longa, "Officer de-escalates situation with mentally ill suspect who threatened leasing agent," The Daytona News-Journal, March 3, 2017, updated March 8, 2017 [https://www.news-journalonline.com/story/news/crime/2017/03/07/rookie-south-daytona-cop-downplays-his-talk-to-calm-volatile-mentally-ill-suspect/21998286007/].
4. The Associated Press, "Video shows officer de-escalate standoff with suicidal man," Fox 45 News Baltimore, November 9, 2017 [https://foxbaltimore.com/news/local/video-shows-officer-de-escalate-standoff-with-suicidal-man].
5. Karen Robicheaux, "Indiana TSA officer assesses threat risk; skillfully de-escalates mental health crisis," Transportation Security Administration, May 23, 2024 [https://www.tsa.gov/about/employee-stories/indiana-tsa-officer-assesses-threat-risk-skillfully-de-escalates-mental].
6. WGV, "2019 West Freeway Church of Christ Shooting," Sheepdog Church Security, September 6, 2022 [https://sheepdogchurchsecurity.net/articles/2019-est-freeway-church-of-christ-shooting/].
7. Based on material from the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety (2014), "Violence in the workplace: Warning signs," [https://www.ccohs.ca/oshanswers/psychosocial/violence_warning_signs.html].
8. Kris Moloney, Church Security Guide, Safety Ministry Training Articles, Sheepdog Church Security Academy, 2023-2024 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/pages/security-articles?]; and Sheepdog Church Security, 2018 [https://sheepdogchurchsecurity.net/church-security-guide/].
9. Kris Moloney, "Mastering Verbal De-escalation for Peaceful Resolutions," Safety Ministry Training Articles, Sheepdog Church Security Academy, Posted February 13, 2024 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/pages/security-articles?p=mastering-verbal-de-escalation-for-peaceful-resolutions]; and "Disruptive Individuals: How to De-escalate the Situation," Church Security Guide, Sheepdog Church Security, © 2018 [https://sheepdogchurchsecurity.net/verbal-de-escalation].
10. Staff writer(s), "This 5 step de-escalation technique helps calm tense situations," Vantage Point Consulting, no date [https://vantagepointc.com/this-5-step-de-escalation-technique-helps-calm-tense-situations/].