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An Act of Mercy

De-escalating Disruptive Individuals in the Church

A church safety team member gently speaks with a distressed man inside a sunlit sanctuary. Bold yellow and gray text reads “An Act of Mercy – De-escalating Disruptive Individuals in the Church.

An article based on the Safety Member Certification training module “Deescalating Disruptive Persons V5” and the Church Security Guide article “Disruptive Individuals: How to De-escalate the Situation” [1][2][3][4].

From the Bible:

Dealing with distraught or disruptive people can be acts of mercy, whether comforting them or confronting them, as in these biblical incidents. Reasonable confrontation will be mercy if it keeps someone from acting rashly, and it might actually turn them toward the good.

Comfort:

And Ephraim their father mourned many days [after his sons were killed by men of Gath during a livestock raid], and his brethren came to comfort him (1 Chronicles 7:22).

Confrontation:

Then certain of the heads of the children of Ephraim, ... stood up against them that came from the war, and said unto them, "Ye shall not bring in the captives hither: for whereas we have offended against the Lord already, ye intend to add more to our sins and to our trespass: for our trespass is great, and there is fierce wrath against Israel" (2 Chronicles 28:12-13).

Introduction:

De-escalation is calming a tense situation, whether reversing escalation or keeping tension from escalating. The focus of this article is more on the ministry mindset and manner than on the techniques.

On the Web:

Oak Grove, Kentucky, September 29, 2025 – Police officers in Oak Grove made a welfare check on a military veteran. Concerned people reported that he was threatening suicide. The responding officers engaged the veteran in conversation. Their de-escalation efforts resulted in the man peacefully surrendering. He was transported to a mental health unit for care [5].

Cream City, Wisconsin – An article in the April 11, 2014 edition of The Catholic Gentleman covers the experiences of a Catholic police officer (by the way, he was a convert from Islam). Citing instances encountering criminals and people in distress who had to be calmed down, he said, “Being able to talk to people is one of an officer’s most important tools; it can de-escalate a tense situation and has prevented many fights and altercations” [6].

The State of Maine, August 2024 – The Maine Council of Churches partnered with the group Prevention.Action.Change to train church clergy and members in verbal de-escalation and bystander intervention. The goal is to enable them to keep situations from escalating into violence and other kinds of harm [7].

La Plata, Maryland, July 13, 2024 – A man fired a gun at a television set while threatening others in the house. After police had set up a security perimeter, one officer called on the telephone and engaged the suspect in conversation. The suspect was persuaded to peacefully leave the house and surrender. The other occupants were not harmed. The Charles County Sheriff’s Office said, “While quick reactions are sometimes necessary, officers trained in de-escalation can sometimes effectively defuse tense situations through communication and conflict resolution strategies” [8].

Miami, Florida, January 2022 – One police officer intervened in a tense exchange between another officer and persons on the street. She got that officer to back down from a potential use of excessive force. Body-cam footage of the incident was shared with news outlets [9].

Martial Journal, October 19, 2021 – Jenni Siu, a martial arts instructor, shared some incidents from her life as she explained that the primary goal of martial arts is “to keep situations from becoming physical.” One incident was turning away a large man who was obviously drunk while she and her husband were on a train in Europe. She remained both calm and firm.

Siu outlined the “vital skill” of verbal de-escalation:

  1. Ego has no place in verbal de-escalation.
  2. Control of the situation begins with control of yourself.
  3. Calm does not equal passive.
  4. Find out your opponent’s goal.
  5. Respond, don’t react [10].

Personal Preparation for Verbal De-escalation:

Too many times we tend to go straight to the techniques of verbal de-escalation in our thinking. In the church or another religious institution (such as a school or a charity), we are involved in ministry. The organization keeping the church safe and secure is actually called a “Safety Ministry,” and members of this ministry serve in a deacon-like, servant role. The qualifications for being a member of this ministry include the biblical standards for deacons (Exodus 18:22; Acts 6:3; 1 Timothy 3:1-13; Titus 1:6-9; 2:6-8). Character traits are vital considerations; a key one is self-control [11].

Our personal preparation for being ready to use verbal de-escalation is in three states: mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Mental:

How we think of ourselves and our role has a bearing on how we serve the church. We are not just security guards policing the church. We consider ourselves as ministers, serving everyone in the church, whether leaders, members, or visitors.

Having a servant mentality, situational awareness alerts us to needs that we fill. When we observe that a person is depressed, distressed, offended, or intent on disruption, we see that person as someone in need of help, not just a target to slap down. The exception is when they are already violent, and others are in immediate danger, such as shooting, swinging a knife, punching others, etc. Dealing with them will be an act of mercy. As an example, the cop in Miami that intervened in an incident, saved the other cop from being charged with excessive use of force [9].

Emotional:

Self-control usually means controlling one’s emotions and how emotions are acted out. For many persons, self-control has been the key to success. This is also a biblical teaching in both testaments. Proverbs 25:28 says, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” In Galatians 5:23, Paul writes that the Fruit of the Spirit includes “temperance” (self-control).

In a self-inventory, we take note of how well we control our emotions. How do we handle anger? Sometimes anger is justified, but our choice of action matters. Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:26, “Be ye angry, and sin not …” We must admit that disrupters, especially those threatening violence or abusing others, arouse negative emotions. It can be a real challenge to control ourselves in those situations, especially if we have not had to deal with them before.

Here is one value of role-playing in drills. We practice staying in control in the face of situations that stir strong negative emotions. The more realistic the scenario, the more effective the drill.

Spiritual:

As Christians, we have the Holy Spirit to fill us and empower us. There are times when we cannot effectively control ourselves by ourselves without Holy Spirit power. Many of us have prayed, “Lord, help me control myself in this situation.”

We need a daily, ongoing relationship with God, anchored in prayer, the Bible, and obedience. Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew 5:7). When we rely on God’s mercy in our lives, our intervention in a tense situation can be an act of mercy.

Conclusion:

When we are “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15a), verbal de-escalation can be an act of mercy.

References:

  1. Kris Moloney, Safety Member Certification, Sheepdog Church Security, 2025 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/courses/safety-member-certification-v5-2025].
  2. Kris Moloney, "Deescalating Disruptive Persons V5," Safety Member Certification, Sheepdog Church Security, 2025 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/courses/safety-member-certification-v5-2025].
  3. Kris Moloney, Church Security Guide, Sheepdog Church Security, [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/pages/security-articles?c=church-security-guide].
  4. Kris Moloney, "Disruptive Individuals: How to De-escalate the Situation," Church Security Guide, Sheepdog Church Security, 2023 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/pages/security-articles?p=mastering-verbal-de-escalation-for-peaceful-resolutions]
  5. Daynnah Carmona, “Oak Grove Police help veteran in crisis, raise awareness for mental health resources,” Christian County Now, September 30, 2025 [https://christiancountynow.com/news/267762-oak-grove-police-help-veteran-in-crisis-raise-awareness-for-mental-health-resources/].
  6. Anon, “A Day in the Life of a Catholic Police Officer,” The Catholic Gentleman (originally in Cream City Catholic), April 11, 2014 [https://catholicgentleman.com/2014/04/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-police-officer/].
  7. Clara Porter, “De-escalation and Active Bystander Training,” Maine Council of Churches, August 2024 [https://mainecouncilofchurches.org/2024/08/de-escalation-and-active-bystander-training/].
  8. Staff, “Patrol officers de-escalate a dangerous situation and apprehend armed male,” Charles County Sheriff's Office, July 16, 2024 [https://www.ccso.us/press-releases/14732/].
  9. Willard Shepard, “‘Let It Go': Video Shows Miami Cop De-Escalating Tense Situation,” NBC 6 South Florida, January 20, 2022 [https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/let-it-go-video-shows-miami-cop-de-escalating-tense-situation/2665472/].
  10. Jenni Siu, “The Value of Verbal De-escalation Skills,” Martial Journal, October 19, 2021 [https://www.martialjournal.com/the-value-of-verbal-de-escalation-skills/].
  11. Kris Moloney, “Safety Member Fundamentals V5,” Safety Member Certification, Sheepdog Church Security, 2025 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/courses/Safety-Member-Fundamentals-V5].